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A Healing Touch

One of the things I've been thinking about as I'm dealing with this really long period of severe pain is what things are healing, nourishing or helpful to support myself through this really difficult time. I'm finding that the usual physical interventions aren't helping with the pain enough, and emotionally, I just feel overwhelmed, frightened and struggling to deal with this pain. So I started thinking about what I can do. One thing which comes up frequently is images. I find images to be an incredibly comforting way to deal with my pain and some of the anxiety I struggle with. I also use affirmations, which are quick, and many of which provoke images, such as sunshine melting away the pain, a warm blanket of magical comfort, a wave washing away the pain. All of these are helpful for me. I mention all of this to give some background to a powerful experience I had on Thursday night.

I had taken all of my medications which I always take at bedtime, and was listening to my affirmations as I finished my nighttime preparations. I find that this time of day is pretty effective, and since many of the affirmations emphasize self-care and compassion toward myself as I deal with the pain, I like the practical tasks of face washing and other self-care things. It's become a ritual for me, and I really like it. So, anyway, I'd finished the basic self-care stuff, and was still listening to the affirmations as I heated my two heat packs (one for the eyes, one for the leg), in the microwave.

As I did this, I felt the presence of someone in the room. And then, the affirmations got more concrete. They're from the Ease Pain guided imagery/affirmations from
Health Journeys
if anyone's curious. So the affirmations encourage imagining those who care about me, in a circle, and feeling it as a warm wave. Next, I see warm sunshine shining on my pain and melting it away. After that, it's a blue-green wave of pure healing, washing from head to toe and carrying the pain away. Finally, my favorite, a warm blanket of "magical comfort". I'm not giving these exactly in the exact words, but you get the idea.

As I listened to the imagery, the presence gave me a hug as I imagined those who care about me. Then, the presence wrapped that blanket around me. And you know what, I felt it. I felt it so with such intensity, such reality, that I reached out. But no one was there. In fact, I don't even think my room mates were in the apartment. And, I asked them, and they denied mbeing there.

I have never experienced something like this before. But you know what? I knew, with all of my heart, just by the way the presence hugged me, and the way she put the blanket around me, that it was my Grandma Hellen (my grandma on my Mom's side). She has been dead for six years as of the end of this April. She was such a courageous woman, dealing with unbearable pain, loving me, supporting me and being there for me. I think of her often, and miss her dearly.

I still have horrible pain. I still am struggling with hopelessness and fear of the pain not getting any better (it's been a three week flare now that I count it). I am unsure that I should even post this. But I needed that caring presence from my Grandma. I needed that support. And I needed those images to be more real.

I don't know how many people will believe this story, but I felt I needed to share it. And despite that I don't know how anyone will react, I'm posting this publicly, because the experience was so moving, so comforting, that I need to share it. I hope that it can help someone else even a fraction of how it has helped me.

Comments

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nikki0222
Mar. 30th, 2008 03:20 pm (UTC)
your post
Hi Nickie, That is really cool that you ad that experience!! I believe you about the hole experience, because I know if you believe enough pretty much any thing is possible. I also am sorry to hear about your 3 week pain flair!! If you ever need to talk, you can IM me, mail me, or call me. If you call with in the next week or week and a half or so, your best chance of getting a hold of me would be to call my cell, because my sister should be having her baby any day now, and then I'll be going to go stay at my mo's house for a week while Corey, the baby's dad, and hismom Janette are up here, that way they have time to spend together as a family alone and stuff. Well, I'm going to finish reading my friends page, I'll talk to you another time.
my_pen
Mar. 30th, 2008 05:08 pm (UTC)
**heart smiles**

You give me hope.

I believe so completely in the spiritual - it's healing capacity. . .and I believe completely your grandmother was right there with you. Your story warms me in the deepest way, thank you so much for sharing.

I'm worried about your flare, has it backed off any at all?

((((gentle hugs))))))
puppybraille
Mar. 30th, 2008 06:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Nope, it hasn't really backed off. I am trying to figure out what to do about it. I hate to make someone else help me get to the doctor, and cab rides are pretty painful for me, not to mention time issues. I guess I'll see what my physical therapist suggests, and see if the doctors would consider adjusting my meds or something over the phone.

Thank you for commenting. *Gently hugs you back.*
capricorn_sistr
Mar. 30th, 2008 06:11 pm (UTC)
it's as real - as real can be
I don't know how many people will believe this story

I believe your story Nickie, because it has also happened to me. The loving feeling you describe was my Dad. It felt like he was tucking me in bed and covering me up with warm blankets. There is no way of discounting this type of spiritual comfort, when a loved-one who has crossed-over, comes back to help heal you.
puppybraille
Apr. 1st, 2008 03:38 am (UTC)
Re: it's as real - as real can be
Yes, it is an amazing experience. I'm trying to draw from it to get me through until I can get help with this flare. My Grandma would not want me to not seek help, I suspect. She didn't ask for help much, but when she did, you knew it was bad. And if she's come back to help me, to comfort me, then maybe that's a sign that I need to take this flare seriously and deal with it. Obviously, she felt it necessary to help.

Sorry to ramble, but your comment made me think, as your comments always do, and I didn't want to forget what I was thinking.
momof3bbp
Mar. 31st, 2008 01:14 am (UTC)
Hi Nikki: I blieve you. I am a firm believer that our loved ones watch over us once they have gone to be with the Lord. I bleieve God uses them to communicate with us about those things most intimate.
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