Monday I had the Monday blues. I had to read a book called the Stranger. It's a very creepy book. It scared me a lot. It was absurd which makes sense since it was from the absurd literature. I had prayer which I always love. I'm working through The Psalms and Proverbs right now. I'm doing one New Testament book then two Old Testament books. I struggle with the Old Testament, and less so with the New, but I o that the Old is important. Our Associate Pastor always says to remember that this was the Bible before Jesus' time and that for many, it still is the whole Bible. I worked through Hebrews before I started the Psalms and now I'm doing Proverbs along with the Psalms. It's hard because I always struggle with reading the Bible daily. But I'm trying to grow and I don't know a better way. Sometimes I feel like it really is a discipline not something I want to do, which makes me feel guilty.
Tuesday was okay. In Journalism I'm going to write an article about cheap stuff people can do during the winter months. We did the Kodiak route again which is so different without snow. It's almost like relearning it.
I studied my PACER script and messed around online, trying to wind down. That worked pretty well. I went to bed and slept okay, not great. But here I am. Wondering what's in store for the day and hoping to find out soon if I'm accepted to Guide Dogs. Apparently they called my dean at the high school and they said they were concerned about having me at school with a dog. He said he tried to be as positive as possible explaining that he thought I could handle it. Hopefully they'll accept me!
I'm so afraid they won't. Everyone at church is sure that I'll be accepted, but to be honest, they don't o anything about Orientation and Mobility or Guide Dogs. Diane says she doesn't think it's a matter of if, but when. That's not very comforting right now. I'm really struggling to be hopeful! Because the thing is, no matter what I think or anyone I know thinks, it's not their decision. I just don't no. I mean I felt optimistic about the interview. But now I just don't know. Linda seemed like she thought I did well and didn't see any obstacles to my getting accepted, but someone is obviously concerned enough about school to have called. It's very very saddening. So much for positive thinking! I better stop writing, I'm getting way too emotional and I'm in public. If I start to cry or something, that'd be very embarrassing.
It's later, and now that I've quit thinking about whether I'll be accepted, I do feel better. Reading the Bible helped. I have to go to lunch I guess, so I'll be gone for now.
I'm waiting for Creative writing to start. I'm still feeling really down again. I had soup for lunch, but I didn't like it, and a canned iced coffee. That was good, but I'm still thinking about the whole Guide Dog thing. It's really really bothering me! I'm going to try to go to church tonight, and hopefully I can talk to someone about it, but none of them really understand. I honestly don't feel good about this right now. It's upsetting me, and there's no one who understands it that I can talk to tonight at church. I know I'm over anylizing, but I can't help it! It's driving me crazy!! Maybe writing haiku will make me feel better.
I guess haiku is okay to write, but it's hard to think of one event and package it into a little poem consisting of a line with 5 syllables, a line with 7 and another with 5. I think my haiku are pretty good. So let's hope for the best. We're going to make portfolios of all of our writing we did in Creative Writing. We're going to add pictures and fun fonts. I'm probably going to do it at home so I can add color to mine. It should be fun to make my poetry and stories into a book type thing. I'm really proud of my writing, and I want to work to display it in something cool.
I think this must be my "feel like you're the only blind person on the face of the earth" day. I was notified that the United Methodist Women of our church would like to recognize my mission work. But I don't feel that it is deserved. I feel that I've done the same or less than anyone else in my youth group, and I'm afraid that I'm being recognized more because of my blindness than anything. It's not that I don't feel honored, but I don't feel right about it. I'm just me, so what that I'm blind? I just don't feel right. It bothers me. I'm just feeling really emotional and alone right now.
Current mood: alone, sad, depressed