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Changed in a heartbeat

No ketamine yesterday either. My blood pressure and heart rate were still too high.. Nothing, and I do mean nothing can prepare someone for the medical urgency when doctors decide your heart needs to be checked. Nothing prepares you to hear the doctor say "I'm worried that you could have a heart condition."

I'm so thankful that I had a friend with whom I felt comfortable there. I cried all over her. The tricky thing is that there are so many things that can go wrong. IMy appreication for my primary care doctor sky-rocketed after seeing her. She worked me in within two hours after talking to my pain doctor.

I had a full EKG, which said "Sinus tachicardia" with one odd-ball finding lots of people have. That's not their concern right now, they just wanted to look for rhythm disorders, I think.

I had a blood test (which I hardly felt when they couldn't find the first vein and did feel but didn't really mind when they took it from a vein in my hand). The CBC, which is a pannel of things like how many white blood cells you have, etc... came back normal. They tested my kidneys, and there's a 24 hour test I have to do at home. They're also checking my thioroid, since that can cause issues.

They hope it's just something with the sympathetic part of the older name Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, and not something like an adrenal tumor. But they need to check.

For now, I'm taking a Calcium Channel Blocker, called Verapramil, and monitoring my blood pressure closely. Thus, I'm now in search of a good talking blood pressure meter, since I may need to be more on top of this issue. I'm not tcontent to take a back seat in the care of my body. That's not my style, and it won't work. Especially not with a disorder like RSD/CRPS.

All of the medical professionals I worked with were great. They were so compassionate toward me, and even my pain doctor was nice, even though I've now screwwed up his schedule twice. He said "I'm only frustrated because I'm concerned, and I know you're scared. Don't worry about it." That was sweet. If I have to deal with things like this, I want to have these wonderful docs by my side. Both my primary care and pain clinics were supportive, and understood my fears. They encouraged my questions, even though they are not your typical medication questions, and didn't stop until they were satisfied that things would be okay, or the appropriate steps were started.

My fears right now are many. One, is that the pain, while still better from the epidural, is coming back. I am trying so hard to be brave, and handle this well, but I even broke down and admitted to my doctor that the high levels are getting hard to deal with. The problems are twofold, we need to get the heart rate under control, or we can't do Ketamine. There's one last medicine that we could try, but only if the heart rate and blood pressure issues are controlled better. And the one lasst option is a nerve stimulator, but I have big concerns about that. It seems awfully risky. I hate being the patient that's hard to help.

I hate even more the fear of what could be wrong, and the realization that there's not much they can do about the pain right now. My doctors, and friends are trying to give me hope, but I admit it's hard knowing that these things can be a self-reinforcing issue. Pain increasing heart rate or blood pressure, and that increases pain. I'm sorry to be so down, but I really needed to share these fears. They bring tears to my eyes, so I can't really talk about them since crying makes talking near impossible.

I'll write something better soon, once I find my footing in this scary time. For now, any ideas of good talking bloood pressure meterss are good, and anyone who will pray, please pray that this is something we can fix. I am okay, not so upset it should scare anyone, just reacting emotionally. My head may catch up eventually, and these thoughts will calm down. I'll find a way to deal with this, as I try to do with everything.

Those whom I owe an email to, please be patient with me. I'll respond as soon as I can...

Sending virtual, gentle hugs


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Jul. 13th, 2007 07:59 pm (UTC)
Wow! This has got to be really scary! I hope they can figure out what's going on, and that it's nothing serious. I purchased a wrist blood pressure thing from Speak to Me a couple of years back when they were concerned that my BP might be too high. I think I paid about $40 for it or so, which is pretty decent. They had a couple of different models at that point too. For me, it turned out that when I was home, everything was fine, but the stress of getting to my appointments, and of what they were doing brought things way up. I would assume that Speak to Me would still have something. Just in case you don't have it, their web site is . Feel free to call me if you want. I may not know the right things to say, but I know how to listen. SMILE! Sorry we weren't able to hook up more during the convention. things get so crazy during the week, and there's always about ten thousand things going on at once. Take it easy, and catch you later.
Jul. 14th, 2007 02:13 am (UTC)
Thanks, I appreciate it. I know how crazy convention gets, so I figured that happened to you too. Hopefully we'll get to hang out at a convention again some time.
Jul. 14th, 2007 03:31 am (UTC)
From the Poodles, the dogs and Jan
Hi Nickie,
Mostly I just lurk around your amazing blog without commenting, but I do follow it. I know this is an especially scary time, but do know that I am thinking about you and praying that all will be well.
Jul. 14th, 2007 09:01 pm (UTC)
Re: From the Poodles, the dogs and Jan
Hi Jan, thanks for your comment. Don't worry, I know that it's generally hard to comment on all of the blogs we try to keep up with... Thanks for your kind words!
Jul. 14th, 2007 04:58 am (UTC)
That's so scary. I'll be sending good thoughts your way, and hoping everything turns out for the best.
Jul. 14th, 2007 09:01 pm (UTC)
Yeahh, it is pretty scary. Thanks.
Jul. 14th, 2007 05:12 am (UTC)
Hey Nickie,

It is scary to be scared. Hugs and prayers for you.

Jul. 14th, 2007 09:02 pm (UTC)
Hi Julie, Thank you for commenting.
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