Nickie Coby (puppybraille) wrote,
Nickie Coby

A little treat

I was very tired this morning, and even going to class didn't perk me up. I needed some time alone, but in a crowd if you know what I mean. I needed to spend some time writing and drinking coffee and reveling in the feel of Julio's harness in my hand. My partner in biology helped me find my way off campus (note to self, I need to look at that and decide if it's a safe one for me to do on my own). I walked over to Brewberry's. Somehow, that made me feel accomplished. And the Vanilla Breve is raising my spirits. Today could end up being a good day, but they're predicting rain and snow, so who knows what will happen?

It is the little accomplishments and things that I do right that I need to focus on. I got a "good point" in lab today. I obviously got over here safely and accepted help appropriately. Thursday, I proved I can do some things that I didn't think I was strong enough to do. I proved that I can walk backward on a treadmill to 1improve dorsiflexion. I need to learn to focus on the good things I do, not the mistakes. I know this, but can't figure out why this has become harder since I gotrsd/crps. Today, since the pain started out a little less, it's easier to focus on the good parts of who I am. But severe pain changes my self image, both internal and external. Knowing this is a first step, and I can monitor it.
Maybe some of the answer is in what I do with Julio. I click and reinforce good behavior. He accepts praise with a wag of his tail. IF I accept praise, I tend to minimize whatever it is that caused the praise. I'm more likely to say "yeah, but did you see so and so? They did x way better than I did and under more stressful circumstances." I need to start positively reinforcing myself.

Who knew coffee could inspire deep thoughts? The real question is, will any of this make sense to me or anyone else in a few hours?
Tags: chronic pain, coffee, social work

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