Edit: There were a lot of typos and issues with back translation, so I'm fixing them. Sorry if you see this more than once.
As of tomorrow, it will have been four months since the surgery. There have been many blessings in this challenging recovery time; a call from a friend, a kind word or act from a stranger, finding someone who's been there, writing in my blog and improving my writing skills (I think), time to think and ponder, good books, care packages, prayers and the chance to learn more about accessibility as it relates to people with other physical disabilities. It has still been challenging, though. Tomorrow, I see my surgeon for the 4 month check up. I think it will be helpful for me to reflect on my progress.
First, my foot is more stable. I don't fear it giving out nearly as much as I did, although when the pain is bad, I don't always trust it. In that respect, the surgery was a success. If I can get the rsd to calm down, I won't fear that walking or standing could flare the tendons and make things worse. The tendon pain is much better now too. It is nice to deal with less of that.
The scar is healing nicely too. I've learned how to work on it to break it up some. It doesn't feel so ugly now. I've also made more progress strength wise. I didn't think I'd get past the yellow resistance band, but I have! I'm getting better at the towel grab and even the balance exercises. I can walk a block and a half with an increase in the pain, but I couldn't do that right when I started walking.
Sadly, the pain from the rsd is worse. I wish it would just go away. One good thing is that the nerve blocks work somewhat well and longer than they did before surgery. I just wish the pain would stay manageable. I can't seem to get it right with what will work for me. That's frustrating.
I still can't stand long without an increase in pain, and standing seems worse than walking. I will have to get more assertive about asking to sit down. I don't like admitting this, but it's hard for me to do things I feel make me look weak. I've heard people say that I'm not ashamed of my blindness which others who can see would consider a weakness (the blindness I mean). Yet I'm ashamed that I can't just suck it up with regards to pain. Dad wants me to talk to her tomorrow about the increase in pain, which I will, but it's rsd and she doesn't do anything for that because I see the pain clinic...
So,, as you can read, my impressions are still quite mixed. I still don't know that I made the best decision in regards to this surgery. Which is worse? The spread of rsd or the fear of the spread?