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Doctor's appointment and other musings

As I think I wrote earlier (yesterday), I went to the pain clinic again yesterday. Dad went back with me to meet with the doctor. Like always, he was very attentive to my questions. But I'm a little scared, even though I shouldn't be.

He didn't really like what he saw. He said it was very swollen, but at least there wasn't funky hair growth or deformities (very good), there was some discoloration, but the temperature was good. He brought in the doctor who has done most of my injections. He said the foot was swollen about 75% more than last time he saw me (and I thought it was swollen then which was back in April).

And my RSD definitely spread up my leg, the ankle and part of my leg are swollen, and it's touch sensitive. So, onMonday, in the afternoon after I hopefully get the pins out, I'll be having a sympathetic block. These are old hat. It means I won't get my latte after the pin removal, but if I get relief, that will be a better reward.

I'm listening to
ACB Radio Interactive's exhibit coverage.
It's making me wish I were at convention. I'm second guessing whether I should have had this surgery. I blame no one but myself for the spread of my RSD. They did everything they could to prevent it, but it didn't work. I have so many "what if" thoughts running through my head now.

The doctor told me to treat the pain aggressively. Why can't I be a "normal" patient? I know I should be positive, but I'm in pain (even after taking a Percocet, putting the cold pack behind my knee and elevating my foot). We went to car care today which was great, but I have a friend's grad party and I'm so tired. I know I'm going to have more questions and all I want to do is curl up and sleep.

I'll have something worth writing later.



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Jul. 8th, 2006 07:48 pm (UTC)
Hang in there, Nickie!

I know it's not easy, but if the surgery worked in some small way to make walking easier, that may help the RSD in the long run. I know, hearing this won't make it any easier to deal with right now, but I felt like I had to write/say something somewhat encouraging.
Jul. 9th, 2006 01:41 am (UTC)
You might be right that it still could help. I guess we'll have to wait until I can walk (hopefully only two days). I guess I expected it to help sooner. Maybe that was unrealistic. We'll see though.
Jul. 8th, 2006 08:28 pm (UTC)
I'm sort of ignoring that coverage, since exhibits are one of the big draws for me in the first place. I haven't even been able to bring myself to look at the program yet. I'll tell you this, it's going to take something really significant to keep me away from Minneapolis next year.
Jul. 9th, 2006 01:44 am (UTC)
The exhibit hall is always dangerous for me, because of the shopping factor. I'm definitely going to be at convention in 2007! It would take some really big unforeseen problem for me not to go.

I didn't think I'd miss it, but yeah, apparently I do.
Jul. 9th, 2006 02:05 am (UTC)
I know, I feel the same way. I've missed four years in a row now, and each year I tell myself I won't miss it this year, and yet I always do. It's weird, because there is so much I actually don't like about that week; the crowds, rude people, prices of hotel food, and over the years I have become very cynical and jaded about the whole organizational structure in general. That's worth a post in itself. *smile* But, even with all that, I still yearn for it. I've thought a lot about it, and I think at its core the reason why it draws me despite everything is, for at least one week out of the year, I can be in the majority. The world is configured to me, and I don't have to feel so, well, different. And right now, admittedly, I feel like a little kid who didn't get to go to summer camp and is missing all the fun. Pout
Jul. 9th, 2006 06:28 pm (UTC)
It can be a love hate relationship, then can't it... Not like I didn't know that. There are things I hate about it too, like you said the crowds and rude people can be really annoying.

It's hard to deal with the junk that goes on politically. I don't always understand what goes on at convention as far as politics. Plus, there's the fact that personal bubbles don't seem to exist. But being in the majority is really helpful.

As an asside, I'm sort of familiar with the area near next year's convention, so, if you go, I can give you restaurant tips so it won't be so expensive.
Jul. 8th, 2006 11:11 pm (UTC)
I know exactly how you feel, Nickie. That desire for sleep is very strong. It's difficult to push past it and put on a "happy" face while doing something else. My doctor and I discussed the progression of my disease, also. I hope the swelling subsides to give you some comfort. Please gently pat Julio on the head and tell him that the furkids say 'hello' and 'keep up the good work'.
Jul. 9th, 2006 01:48 am (UTC)
It's definitely scary when the disease progresses. I was hoping it was "all in my head" that it was spreading. Not that my doctor was brutal, far from it, actually, but he still told me what I didn't want to hear. I hope you've been able to keep the pain under control; it looks like you've had fun recently, so I'm definitely happy for you! I gave Julio a pet for you and the furkids.
Jul. 8th, 2006 11:33 pm (UTC)
Oh Nickie. [[[Hugs]]] I hear the fear in your words, and I"m so sorry. I want you to know I'm praying, and if you need to talk or anything, I'm here. I can understand why you'd second guess this surgery, and it makes me pray even harder they can find something to do to help, somehow. If you need to sleep, or just give yourself a break, it's okay. I know the temptation is there to fight through, but sometimes it's the best thing, giving yourself the room to process, without letting it rule you.

Hugs that don't hurt. Let me know what happens on Monday, okay? I'm here.
Jul. 9th, 2006 01:51 am (UTC)
Thank you for praying. I will try to take a break. I'm probably more discouraged because it's been two long days, and the pain is reacting to the heat and humidity. I swear, it uses anything as an excuse to react... A good night's sleep will likely help. I will be writing when I know anything more for sure.
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