Nickie Coby (puppybraille) wrote,
Nickie Coby
puppybraille

I'm officially not cool.

Today I went to Kodiak with Mom. It was fun! I love their soups. I also messed uaround on-line and such. I finished my story I hope will win me a scholarship from Guideposts. I'll keep y'all updated!
I have decided that I'm not cool. That doesn't mean that I'm not okay, although colness would sure be nice. Mom and I were discussing my social situation, and how I don't really fit in. Well, it's true, I don't I thought it was just me, but it's not. I guess mom's noticed people pass me by without saying anything. It hurts to know that. But at least she didn't ly about it. I could have had parents who protected me from the truth, but I got parents who'll tell me the truth without being mean. I'd rather have that thaan lies.
It just bugs me that I %don't fit in and probably never will. I must then ask the question, liked or tollerated? Am I liked by people or just tollerated, and if I'm tollerated, why am I not liked? Am I doing anything wrong? If so, what? Will I ever know? We'll see. But I cannot be someone di'fferent, my major fear is that I'm not normal enouGh. That I'm doing something socially wrong. I know that my inability to be oriented in loud situations and my dislike of lots of people type party situations has probably cost me a lot, but how can I know that I'm not just tollerated? I always feel like I'm part of a group in retreat or mission trip or convention type situations but it always fades. And is that because I wasn't part of the group or because life is so busy? I can understand things getting busy with my friends who are blind, in college or in general not nearby, but I can't understand how not talking to me at school is going to maake me feel like I belong, and I'm thinking it's safe to assume in that case that I'm just tollerated. And the rasberries and cream poem makes me contemplate, how much is my fault. I must figure out, so I can take responsibility.
We're going to get my sister from school. I'm excited!
Hugs!
Nickie
Current mood: Sad
Current music: The AP network news on KTIS
Subscribe

  • 2013: A year of changes, challenges and progress

    It's that time of year, the time when everyone writes posts like this, reflects on the year and says what they're going to do differently next year.…

  • It's radical

    Radical acceptance is one of the toughest things I've worked on in DBT. It's hard to look at a situation and say "it is what it is." That always…

  • Not a prisoner anymore

    I watch a TV station on regular (not cable) TV that features only classic shows like MASH and others. One of the more frequent commercials is for a…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 4 comments