A student in my grade committed suicide on Friday. I found out today. It bugs me that school was normal today. It bugs me that I'm only sad because of the loss of life, but that I didn't know him. It just bugs me.... So I'm also working on an article on the warning signs of depression. It's a good thing I kept my YPA script from 2 years ago. Maybe It'll help me out with the article.
Yesterday, I repeated the stress, depression and burn out tests. Thankfully I'm normal now. Last year was freaky when I took them! I should have told Mom or something, maybe Craig. But at least I've now learned to deal with it. I hope it never gets that scary. I wonder how much of this has to do with the fact that I trust God more? Probably a lot. I also think it's helping me to journal. I'll litterally come home and detox from the day.
I still remember when church was that way, but now it's not as much. It's starting to get better, but last year was downright scary. It was so hard when I didn't agree with my friends. It still is, but now I feel more used by adults. Whenever they want the youth to do something, they ask me, or C--- I guess it's because we're in leadership positions, but I still feel used and don't know how to talk about it, but that's okay. It'll all work out.
Well, I'm sick, and should be in bed. Yay for good conferences! And yay for Craig coming to school lunch. He was surprised when I could do the line a lot better. I had to explain that the real reason I even conquered my fear was because of Marlaina. I knew she wouldn't like the fact that I was not eating because I was scared of the lunch line and wouldn't advocate that to anyone. I now realize that I could have figured out any number of ways to handle it, but that's what maturity is, and I'm slowly gaining it.
I really need to go to bed... I swear I'll go!