Nickie Coby (puppybraille) wrote,
Nickie Coby

I love it when songs speak to me

I love it when I turn on the radio and find two songs that really speak to the situation that I'm in. I'm finally learning that I have to trust God, others and myself as hard as that is. I have to trust reactions of others to what I say, and I have to trust that God can take feelings and frustrations. This is hard, and I'm not sure why. The idea of trust vs. miss-trust is one of the first we have to overcome according to a psychology theorist who I can't remember the name of right now. Well, I've got news, that's not just something we learn in the first year of life. This whole paragraph isn't aimed at anyone in particular, but I wanted to be transparent about the questions I'm asking myself right now. I think part of the reason is that I tend to worry things in circles. As Cole from the O'Malley Series says, I need to worry the problem in a straight line. Yes, I know the books are fiction, but they have a lot to teach us. I learn from every book I read. Thankfully, after much reflection and prayer, I don't have answers, but I do have peace. I think I just needed to pray about it...

Speaking of books I read, I'm reading Nickel and Dimed, and boy is it an eye opener. It's making me really think about life, values and importantly, how I view the jobs we tend to take for granted. It's also making me think about my faith and career choices. It's getting harder and harder to decide between a creer in vision rehab vs. a career in social work with people with chronic pain. I'll be doing something vover spring break that should help me with that decision. I need to remember to create specific goals and questions for that (excuse the mental note).

How do I get talked into financial bad ideas? It's so easy when you're in pain to make a decision not to walk far and instead pay a premium for food. I'm kicking myself with the good foot here. Also, how on earth am I going to stay awake until 9? I can't sleep earlier than that, because if I do, the pain will wake me up, no question. How is one supposed to manage spoons when they're not even sure they'll have a good supply the next day? So far, I think I'm failing miserably at it, but I must be doing something right. I am still able to make connections, have intelligent conversations and perform the tasks I need to to be a successful student. This comes despite not remembering whether light comes before or after dark in the alphabet and ending up with two laundry loads that are not as well sorted as they should be. This may make little sense, but understand that I had two baskets: one for light and one for dark. As I was sorting, I knew I'd put them in alphabetical order, but couldn't remember which came first.

Okay, if anyone wants to help me stay awake, I will be very grateful!


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