Nickie Coby (puppybraille) wrote,
Nickie Coby
puppybraille

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Is it too late to amputate?

Okay, so here's what's going on:
I had another appointment. It looks like for sure that I'm gonna have the shot in the back. Ugh!! I don't wanna. I honestly feel like throwing a tantrum right now! I don't want to be sedated. I'm going to be scared when I wake up and don't know where I am, and I'm sure they won't know when I do since i don't ever really open my eyes, so I'll sit there wondering where i am, to freaked to say anything totally alone. It's probably going to hurt like hell, and stuff too. It sounds like they'll have to inject it deep. I'm still in what seems like unbearable pain. It's worn on me so much that I can't see how I can take it any longer. Doctor Hess asked if I needed medicine, but I can't since i have school and would have trouble taking meds and concentrating. Besides, I don't want drugs. I don't want to put drugs in my body if I don't have to. Well, maybe this will help, and then they'll know for sure. I really don't want to deal with this! But I have no choice. Lots of people are trying to tell me it's going to be okay, but I'm not sure I believe them. After all, how would they know? They're all sighted and can easily assess situations and don't get disoriented as easily. I wish there was a list I could ask blind people about stuff like this. But I don't want to look dumb. I'd considered asking on the Hands list if anyone had sedation experiences, and if so, how they handled the waking up part. But it's probably off topic, and I'd be embarrased for having to ask anyway. Anyone else wanna raise the topic? Or not, whatever. I just feel too stupid to ask it.
Other than that, not much else is going on. Well, actually I guess there is, I'm just so stressed about all of this other stuff, I don't know what to do. I skipped lunch today which is the first time for me this year. That should tell you how stressed I am. Well, I know God's there, but I can't figure this out.

Hugs!

Nickie
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