"I took a chance and told her that her going blind wasn't her fault; that God wasn't punishing her, because I didn't think God worked like that. I had thought it too, that life was a punishment, made up of only losses. "Yeah, he takes things away," I said into the speaker, "but he gives other things back and, in a strange way, those new things can be just as good or even better. I think you just have to look for the new things a little harder.""
As I've wrestled with questions lately, and ultimately started to find peace, I like this quote. It gives me a lot to think about, especially in the light of the reading from TRW. In my case, I don't know that God just takes things away. I think it's like that bumper sticker, "Stuff happens." But it doesn't happen without a reason. I'm not just stuck out there to drift. I can deal with it then. What I like most about that quote, though, is the part about getting good things. There are so many blessings, so many good things I cling to and ultimately, everything will work out for good. But Erik is right, often in these situations, we do have to look for the good things harder. It is so easy to see the bad, but I believe now that there is always reason to hope.
I've come to the conclusion that it's okay to have questions as long as you're honest about those questions. I've come to the conclusion that answers aren't always the answer you expect and they don't always answer the question. But the answers do bring comfort and new understandings and different lights or lenses through which to view the problem or question.
At Thanksgiving, we saw a light which quilters can use to make sure that their fabric choice will look good in most any light. When they make a masterpiece, they have to make sure to view the project in many ways. But no matter how they look at it, there are truths they know. Blue fabric is still blue, red thread is still red and their design is still the same, it just might look different. So it's okay to look at a question in many lights, as long as you have some kind of truth with which you anchor yourself.
I'm not sure where this all came from, and I don't know how to explain it, but there you go. I am slowly learning a lot of things and I feel like I've grown a lot since I started college three short months ago. I'm still the same person, but hopefully with that improvements.
I'm really grateful for the things I've learned and I'm excited to see what happens next. I don't really know what I want to hear on Monday. On one hand, I want to hear that I'm getting so much better in the tendon that I don't need surgery, but on the other hand, maybe surgery would bring this to a faster close. Either way, I'm okay no matter what happens.
Just some random reflections and ramblings.