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I wrote a letter...

Dear RsD, Crps or whatever you are called these days,
I'm Nickie, that girl you're currently burning in. I know I'm not alone. You take all sorts of forms in many people, especially women, but men too. I've heard stories that make me cringe, things that make me want to hide under a bed, but you know what, I will not let you win.
The doctor is concerned by what you're doing to my foot. He calls it a purple elephant foot, but you know what, we beat you once! We can beat you again. See I've got some secret weapons that I'm not afraid to tell you about. I will not let you control my life. You've managed to cause too many nights of little sleep to count, make me take medication that made it hard to remember anything, take up days where I've needed injections just to manage the pain, cause me to not go to things because I didn't have the energy, make me cry because of the medication's side-effects, make me scream or in pain, turn my foot colors no one wants to see, need medicine to sleep, hate night time when I'll want sleep but won't get it and will sit up wondering how tired I'll be the next day, change my dress on bad pain day and most of all, you've made my first semester at college hard. But you haven't ruled my life and you never will because I will fight you. I will take medications, be completely honest and helpful for my doctors, pray and I have friends who will pray too, do my exercises,, learn productive ways to respond to the pain, think positively and do anything I can to help get rid of you. I know for a fact that God will help me. I may not understand why God does what He does, but I know that he is good and I believe every word I've read in the Bible even if I forget sometimes and need reminders.
I know the odds, I know what can happen, but I am clinging to hope and I will beat you.
The truth is, I have great support systems in place, and I will learn from you. I don't care if you want to teach me or not. I will learn and I will become a better person because of you.
If I have to write a million letters like this to deal with the pain and frustration, I will. FOR now, just know that you're in for a fight. If I were you, I'd give up now,.



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Nov. 24th, 2005 09:22 pm (UTC)
this is great
Nicky, this is really well writen and full of great truth. I could've writen something similar about depression and maybe I will. Because its good to remember that we will win even when we don't think we can. see you. Shelly
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