Nickie Coby (puppybraille) wrote,
Nickie Coby
puppybraille

Learning to be Thankful

One of the things I tend to struggle with spiritually is why would God let things like this happen to me? Am I even more evil than the rest of the human race? I have a hard time believing that I'm a good person. I'm not good in the sense that God is good. I can be mean, angry, proud and generally not a nice person. So often I fall short of the mark. I often have wondered if God is having these things to happen to make me learn. But it doesn't make sense for God to be a God of pain and hardship. I don't see that biblically. But to say that God can't prevent or never prevents bad things to happen is not right either. He can and does step into help us. I've heard many such stories that cannot be due to chance. So I struggle with a lot of questions about how to handle things like this. I clipped that quote a few days again about being thankful for my thorns. But I don't know that I'm ready or able to be thankful that I have to deal with pain. I have a hard time saying thanks for something that has affected me so greatly and caused me to deal with so many extra things my first year of college. I find it hard to be thankful that I had pain that almost prevented me from getting a Guide Dog. I find it hard to be thankful that once again I am struggling to do as well as I want because I've had to take medications that make me feel like I have the memory of a forgetful 80 year old. I find it hard to be thankful that I can't wear anything but slippers or tennis shoes and even with those I experience a lot of pain. IN short, I find it hard to say "thank you" for all of the difficulties I've experienced.
So there are 2 things I'm struggling with here:
1. What role do I believe God takes in this?
2. And how can I be thankful for my thorns?
In TRW we read a chapter out of the book "When Bad Things Happen To Good People". In that, I saw a perspective that I often forget. God could prevent this, yes, but He often doesn't. Even though I don't understand it, I don't like it, God has chosen to let me go through it. It reminds me a lot of Job in a way, although I think Job had it worse since he lost everything. I don't know why God does what He does. I don't know what the ultimate plan is. But I do know that even when these bad things happen, I can still trust in a Good God. That is ultimately what matters.
The being thankful for my thorns is hard too. I've come to some conclusions about that too. Those tend to be conclusions I think about and ultimately forget when the next crisis comes. I'm trying to do better about that. I've found that I can't child necessarily find the ability to be thankful for my difficulties right when they are happening. That is hard for me to do. But if I look hard enough I usually see some way in which God is moving in the difficulty. Maybe it's the kind words or listEning ear ow get from a friend or doctor. Maybe it's like a few months ago when I was so angry about my torn tendon and people from campus ministry came and prayed over dorm rooms and blessed them just As I came to a spiritual truth and admitted my anger over the whole situation. I've even seen it in the little breaks I get to take, going shopping; having coffee on a relaxing Sunday morning; taking a bath with bath fizz and so many other little things like these, all of this helps me leave some tension behind and get a better perspective. Sometimes, too, it's a lesson I learn from the situation whether it be about myself, about others or about God. Whatever little or big things I see that are good in the situation, I find it much easier to say "thank You," for these types of things than the actual situation. Sometimes I do come to the point where I can say "thank You" for the bad stuff too, but that takes time.
Anyway, this is just my perspective on Thanksgiving and how I came to deal with some of what I was worrying about on Monday. I'm praying you have a blessed Thanksgiving and that you see the blessings no matter what situation you find yourself in.
Hugs!
Nickie
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