I did get to talk to people at church which was good. But I know that I'm in for a difficult week. It's not impossible, just difficult. I'm praying for help. There's just way way too much to deal with without His help. I know that he can and will step in when I need Him most.
Writing has been helpful, but I know realistically that I can't write much that's not for school this week. When I most need to be able to concentrate, the pain blindsides me.
I woke up at 5 this morning. I was curled in the fetal position. The pain has been very intense all weekend. I've been trying to do a lot of elevation for my foot and that's helping some, but it's hard when you have nothing that can take the edge off of the deep pain. Lidoderm didn't even touch most of the pain yesterday.
I'm trying to be brave. I'm trying to remember that it could be worse, but somehow I'm not succeeding all of the time. Somehow, I have to get through tonight and tomorrow.
I have gained a lot in the few months I'Ve been at college. I'm not going to let this tear me down if I can help it. I will not let it destroy my first year of college like it did with my first year of high school. I have to make it to finals, and somehow I need to be on the road to recovery by the time I start second semester. I just have to; there are no other options.
In so many ways, I came so far, I refuse to slide back. But I am sliding, back to the pain, back to struggling, back to not sleeping well enough, I wish I could erase that trip off the bus on July 19th. But I can't.
I'm just grateful for the chance to wear sandals and have a normal graduation. I'm so grateful that I was able to live the way I used to for a few months. Will I ever do that again?
My ankle tries to roll inward a lot when I don't have the boot on at home.
This was supposed to be quick, so much for that!
It helps to write. At least I can say what I need to. And maybe, just maybe if someone else has to go through this (and I wish they didn't have to), this journal could help them even a fraction of how it helps me.