Nickie Coby (puppybraille) wrote,
Nickie Coby
puppybraille

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Not again!

Dakota's dead. They found him about a half mile away from our house. He got hit by a car. I'm really sad, mad and down right upset. I don't know what to do. I wish I could scream. I'm trying to figure out how I'll handle it. I don't think I can handle it anymore. More grief, more sadness. I cried again. I hat that feeling. I don't like being shaky, and hardly able to talk.
I had to tell my sister. That sucked. I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to probably be a bit out of character and that includes some swear words.
I'm so stressed about all of this. Last year I was so depressed, I didn't handle it well, but I'm going to try to handle it better. Journaling should help. I guess this means that the guide dog is definitely a possibility, and the dog won't have to acclimate to Dakota, still it's a hard price to pay.
I'm worried about school. I need people who understand what's going on, and I don't know if I'll see my friends at all. But right now, I can't think about tomorrow. I have to think about today.
And today I need to remember the dog.

I remember how I was the first one he'd run to. I remember how he'd lick my hands clean.

  • Playing tug of war, how he'd growl and how he'd jump over me

  • How he'd shake paws

  • The feel of his head on my lap or shoulder

  • How he'd let me carry him

  • Him sleeping in my lap

  • When we'd howl together

  • Scratching his tummy

  • The time he squeaked his toy to the beat of YMCA

  • How he'd jump when you'd say "ride?"

  • How we'd call him "Dammit" and he'd answer

  • How sweet he was



One thing bothers me: Right before he chased the thing that made him run off, he wanted to play rope (tugg of war). I couldn't because I needed to get ready. I feel really guilty. It's upsetting me a lot.

I'm starting to cry again. I'd better go.

Hugs

Nickie
Tags: life milestones
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