I had to tell my sister. That sucked. I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to probably be a bit out of character and that includes some swear words.
I'm so stressed about all of this. Last year I was so depressed, I didn't handle it well, but I'm going to try to handle it better. Journaling should help. I guess this means that the guide dog is definitely a possibility, and the dog won't have to acclimate to Dakota, still it's a hard price to pay.
I'm worried about school. I need people who understand what's going on, and I don't know if I'll see my friends at all. But right now, I can't think about tomorrow. I have to think about today.
And today I need to remember the dog.
I remember how I was the first one he'd run to. I remember how he'd lick my hands clean.
- Playing tug of war, how he'd growl and how he'd jump over me
- How he'd shake paws
- The feel of his head on my lap or shoulder
- How he'd let me carry him
- Him sleeping in my lap
- When we'd howl together
- Scratching his tummy
- The time he squeaked his toy to the beat of YMCA
- How he'd jump when you'd say "ride?"
- How we'd call him "Dammit" and he'd answer
- How sweet he was
One thing bothers me: Right before he chased the thing that made him run off, he wanted to play rope (tugg of war). I couldn't because I needed to get ready. I feel really guilty. It's upsetting me a lot.
I'm starting to cry again. I'd better go.
Hugs
Nickie
