I've been really tired and haven't had much energy for talking/explaining myself/writing/doing anything. My pain levels have been incredibly high, and it's been hard to get past the thought that using a butter knife to remove my entire left leg might not be a bad idea. When I'm sitting up (actually slumped over onto my desk), I'm exhausted from the pain. I try going back to bed, but my body doesn't want to lay down and the foot doesn't want to deal with it either. I tried taking a bath which only made things worse.
There have been some good things though. As of yesterday, the three professors who reported my grades reported a's. This makes me happy, and I'll admit surprised.
I still have more to write about CSUN, and I'm debating just podcasting that info. Not the best method, I know, because having written information is easier to refer back to, but that may be all I have energy for.
I still haven't gotten over the nausea I've had all morning. Yesterday and the day before it was manageable, but not this morning. I tried a bath with lavender and chamomile, no dice. I have done numerous exercises of taking deep breath. No luck there either. I may try drinking Sprite, although ginger ale is supposed to work better for pain related nausea. There is a co-op across from Brewberry's, but I'm not sure if the pain of walking there would cause more nausea and consequently negate the effects of the ginger ale. If I did go there, they might not even carry it, and how does one carry a 12 pack while working a dog?
One of the people I work with in disability services had offered to get some and bring it in on Tuesday, but I felt I was getting this under control then. I should have taken her up on the offer I guess, but I kind of felt like I should be handling this stuff on my own. Anyway, I can't decide what to do. Do I try Sprite? Mint tea? Knocking my head against a wall and nocking myself out (I'm kidding on that last one... sort of.) This is awful. I'm supposed to be doing something for French drama club tonight, but don't know if that's such a good idea. Maybe I'll email our director and explain that I'm not feeling well. I feel bad about bugging out, but this is awful.
another thought is whether there's something else causing me to be sick to my stomach? I could go to health and wellness, but I don't want to deal with this. This is awful.
I have a pain clinic appointment with the Injection doctor tomorrow. I'm going to be assertive and write concerns down for his and my reference. I need his addressed soon. I have never felt quite this desparate or backed into a corner. The anxiety and hopelessness have tried to take over, but I refuse to let them.
I also have an appointment with the other doctor for next Friday. He is excellent, so hopefully between the two doctors, I will get some answers and relief.
A friend is going to the cafe to get me food. I feel bad asking her to do that, but a friend I was talking to insisted I ask someone.
Julio has been extremely clingy today. I think he knows something's wrong. I can't get comfortable and he's perceptive about things like this. Maybe things will get better soon?
Very gentle/tentative hugs!
Julio has been very very good about not jumping on the bed here at school. I don't feel right about letting him on the bed here, since I know that I'm already receiving accommodations from Residence Life. Anyway, tonight, as I was laying down (if I lay on my back for a while after eating or drinking, the nausea is slightly better). Julio jumped up and was pushing himself againstme. So cute. Some days, I feel really sorry for this puppy. He never signedup for this when he was training to be a guide dog. He's taken on so much that I never expected a dog could or would take on. I don't understand it, but his tail still wags when he sees me.
In other news, I did get dinner. Basically all the cafhas that resembles good food when you're sick is grilled cheese. It took almost an hour to eat that, taking bites, waiting to feel better, drinking tiny sips of sprite, waiting to feel better, repeating the process. Now, it's time to sleep... Maybe.