September 3rd, 2003

Cut cuddle and be Cute

It still hurts!

Well, as you can see by the time of this entry, it's fairly late. I didn't get home until about an hour ago, and I haven't had any down time. My family's home which makes it more difficult. I haven't let myself drain out all of the built up emotion. I don't want others to see me in the tearful mode because they'll want to help. I'm afraid of lashing out at them. I'm irritable, sad, frusturated. I have no motivation, and can barely find the strength for common courtesy right now. I managed to get through school, but now I'm just crabby and don't know how to not be. I'm having difficulty eating again, the way I did after September 11. I couldn't even find the heart to finish my MCDonalds. What's wrong with me?
My good friend Dee was at church today. I sent out a giant mass email on Monday about Dakota, and I sent it to her, but she didn't get it yet because she hasn't checked it since then. I couldn't tell her, it hurts too much. I can't even remember him, it hurts so bad. I know it will get easier with time, but still, that's not much comfort right now.
School could have been great otherwise, but it wasn't.


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