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Facing the Kodiak route

One thing I've had to deal with is my current reaction to driveways as being dangerous, and my decrease in my own confidence levels. Since we were hit in April, I've felt that my skills aren't good enough, though I've still failed to figure out what "good enough" means, and I am usually advocating for pedestrian safety, and I believe that being hit happens more because of the drivers, not the blind pedestrian.

I worked really hard to give myself some space around this issue. Whether I would admit it or not, it has really bugged me. I appologize to anyone who finds these types of entries hard to read. Please feel free to skip this, and know that I am not offended, and really don't monitor who reads this stuff anyway. So, anyway, there has been a real struggle to deal emotionally with this.

One thing for me is that I have to get up and suck it up as much as possible. If I stop walking, my leg and foot stiffen up and i don't have energy to get through a more busy day. And if I let an issue fester and get inflamed (punn intended), the scars emotionally can get worse. So, you know that I tried to get out quickly. I'd walk over to Brewberry's with friends, and eventually (a week after it happened), I walked there and back alone (with Julio of course). And I've already written about my one flashback type experience.

If you've followed me a long time, you've heard about "The Kodiak Route". It's actually pretty challenging, parking lots, weird traffic, dog distractions, things to sniff and lots of driveways. There's also the infamous gas station on the last turn of the route. I've been dreading that route, but also knowing that I must try it. I did it yesterday, with dad following from a block and a half behind us. We only needed one verbal assist.

I used my relaxation techniques (especially the "sigh" described in "Relax and Release Your Pain" from
Pain Support)<

The relaxation exercises helped me deal with random little things that startled me, and get me back on track if I found myself trying to "suitcase" Julio. I did have one car come out of nowhere, and Julio handled that like the pro guide he is. The evil gas station parking lot almost made me cry, and that's where we needed a verbal assist. We just couldn't remember which way to go around the planters, which you go around toward the street with.

I'm proud of Julio and I. We used the clicker effectively, I managed the stress okay, though I need improvement in that area, and we did a sidewalkless route on the way back perfectly, even though that technique isn't easy for us. Julio handled that amazingly well. And, I faced my fears and got exercise. We done good.

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