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Surprisingly fearful

Yesterday, I walked to Brewberry's to work on a paper. I should've accepted a ride there, I did accept a ride back. What surprised me was how much I still react to being hit last month.

I think it was the same driveway I was walking past. There was a car in it way back, waiting for Julio and I to pass. It was so hard to make myself walk past that car. I didn't want to do it. I also found that I went into "panic" mode.

I honestly thought I'd be over that by now. I didn't really expect the reaction to still be there. And yet, I still react. I still tense up. Yesterday was a pretty extreme example of it. I do seem to be able to use a relaxation technique to manage it, but it is still weird how my heart rate increases, I tense up, and things almost get darker. I'm still aware of what is going on, and it's a very short time period where it happens. But I would greatly love it if this reaction would go away.

I kind of developed an "affirmation" to help myself in these situations. I remind myself that I have the skills I need to work around traffic, and the friends and God who are there for me, and that they will help me if this ever happens again. Sometimes, I just firmly tell myself that the car is stopped and definitely not going to hit me. What I don't do is invalidate my own reaction. I think by writing about it, and acknowledging that it is okay to feel scared, I will make the reactions have less power over me.

Thanks for allowing me to engage in so much naval-guazing. It is helpful to have somewhere to share my thoughts.

Comments

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3kitties
May. 11th, 2007 10:05 am (UTC)
reactions to cars after being hit
I reacted to vehicles for a good year after being hit, and I was not hurt. This is probably not very encouraging, but I hope it lets you know that your reaction is not out of the ordinary. Don't beat yourself up. [hugs]
puppybraille
May. 26th, 2007 12:16 am (UTC)
Re: reactions to cars after being hit
It's good to know that my reaction wasn't abnormal. I was just surprised by it.
(Anonymous)
May. 11th, 2007 03:30 pm (UTC)
Hi, Nickie! I've been out of the loop for several months, concentrating on work, so I didn't know you'd been hit. I'm very sorry this happened; it must have been terrifying! And I agree that your reaction is completely normal. Just hang in there and keep breathing; it will wear off eventually.
(Anonymous)
May. 11th, 2007 03:31 pm (UTC)
Hi, Nickie! I've been out of the loop for several months, concentrating on work, so I didn't know you'd been hit. I'm very sorry this happened; it must have been terrifying! And I agree that your reaction is completely normal. Just hang in there and keep breathing; it will wear off eventually. -- Susan
bioinstructor
May. 12th, 2007 06:50 am (UTC)
Hey Girl,
Relax! Those tense feelings, and slight fears, they're totally normal. It's not wrong to feel them, but I do believe you are doing your best to deal with them. Hang in there, and try one of my techniques--when I know I have to go somewhere where I've had problems before, if pouring on the praise tothe dog doesn't distract me enough, I sing one of my favorite songs while walking near the area--and usually, that puts me on auto pilot long enough to make it through the problem spot without really realizing I've entered it, until it's over. Now, this only works if you're really good at multi-tasking, and you can sing and judge traffic at the same time...I guess truly, what I do is focus on the song more than what's around me--except enough that I'm remaining safe. I hope this makes some sense.
(Anonymous)
Nov. 13th, 2007 06:29 am (UTC)
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